I’ve had yet another one of those wonderful epiphanies that makes me realize just how much of a miracle it is that I managed to become a functional adult. Aside from all of the support from my husband and friends, I’ve been able to find a tremendous amount of safety in the wearing of my collar.
When I first started this journey I really wanted nothing to do with a collar. I didn’t like what I felt it represented and it was something I never dreamed would enter into our relationship. Then I decided to give the collar a try, but with very hard and fast rules for its use. The collar got very little use over the late fall and winter months because I just wasn’t in a place where I felt I could wear it. We had so little time to connect and I felt the collar needed to be reserved for special occasions.
I wore the collar on Saturday night and found my feelings about it had changed. It still symbolized giving myself completely to him, but this wasn’t something I wanted to do every once in a while – I really did want it all the time. There is something so comforting about the feel of the leather against my neck, the momentary discomfort if I move in the wrong way, and finally the knowledge that I am his girl. Being his girl is more than just objectification (yet another concept I wanted nothing to do with). It means while I am here for him to use as he pleases, he’s here to love me, cherish me, and most importantly at this time, to keep me safe.
I find such bliss is being used in this fashion. I don’t have to make any decisions. I can express desires, but he gets the final say. I am completely fine with him fucking my throat and allowing me to drink his cum (my favorite activity right now) and I could care less about having an orgasm myself, I am just so happy to be of service.
As much as I want to, I can’t wear the collar all the time. While it is a very nice one (dark red leather with a swirl design cut into it), explaining it to my kids and others is too much for me to even think of handling at the moment. I’ll be going out tomorrow to get the supplies at long last to make my everyday collar – a beaded choker with a Celtic knotwork design on it. I want this so much – I even asked permission to add collared to my status on Fetlife.
My mantra for the moment:
I’m his girl, and he loves me and wants to make me happy, keep me safe and cherish me. My task is to accept this as true and to trust my Master.
Thank you, Master.
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