I decided that for now, all I have is my memories. I am holding onto them with a white knuckled ferocity that comes from the desperation of loss. I feel alone, baseless and adrift in a sea of insecurity. All I want is to be wrapped in the arms of my Master, safe and protected from the world, even if it can only be for a short time. I miss him and each day my heart breaks a little more. I knew when last I saw him what it was, a sweet goodbye.
We’d spent a wonderful day together. Bear had regaled me with stories of his youth, sharing things I could tell he hadn’t shared in a long time. I felt special as I lay encircled in his arms, his voice flowing over me like velvet. The time grew near and I knew I needed to shower. Occasionally I could get away with going home smelling of the man I’d been with, but never since I’d found Bear. He always left me sore, spent and covered in various bodily fluids.
Typically I shower, dress and occasionally we grab something to eat. Today we lingered, talked. Both of us knew the reality of our separation and neither one of us wanted to face it.
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