My boy

In 16 days, Kyle will be coming for a visit, and I’m planning to take him to a local, and very public, dungeon to show him off.  He’s never been to a dungeon, let alone played in public, and we’re both very excited at the prospect of introducing him to some very sexy new experiences.

Kyle and I have played with power exchange since the beginning, but we’ve recently been trying out Sir/boy roles together.  I find it incredibly sexy to have a strong, wickedly intelligent and defiant man struggling under the weight of my collar, and he finds it challenging, but ultimately freeing, to give himself up to me.  It’s a rare and lucky thing that our tastes in BDSM mesh so well, and that two people who are such good friends and lovers can also be wonderful adversaries/playmates.

When I dominate, I prefer to do it with a soft voice and a sharp wit.  Rather than hurting the body, which is still, admittedly, a LOT of fun, I like to torment the mind.  So, of course, I use a flogger, and a violet wand, my nails, my teeth, a paddle, ice, and lovely fur-lined cuffs…but I also use challenge, deeply intimate knowledge of my boy, and a wicked combination of praise and humiliation to spur him on.  Time and time again a threatening whisper works better than a single-tail for eliciting a gasp, a shudder, a breathtaking response.  But I never break him down to destroy him – I break him down to let him show me how much he can be.

Because he is an amazing man, and I want him to see in himself what I can see.  His courage, his strength, the beauty of that moment when he lets go of control and trusts…the look on his face when he’s conquered his fears, the spark in his eye when he’s triumphed over his pain.  I love the sweat on his brow, and the red marks across his chest.  He is a handsome man, and an exquisite boy.

…and I can’t wait to show him off.

[Via http://uncommoncuriosity.com]

How to Deal With Fetishes

Don’t indulge them.

It’s not hard. I have had minor fetish-like feelings on occasion, but I don’t make a lifestyle out of it. Once it becomes an identity and a habit, as well as something believed to be morally acceptable, it simply becomes harder to overcome. It goes from being an illegitimate occasional feeling that one wants to change, to a legitimate identity that resists change (as all identities do). Why on Earth would anybody want that?

One of my spiritual goals is to be liberated from as many vital formations as circumstance/God allows*. Creating yet more vital formations only does more harm. That in itself is a good enough reason to avoid indulging fetishes and kinks.

I suppose those who want to be enslaved will continue to be, for some time. But eventually God will bless everybody, since we are all in His constant embrace anyway: “… whoso will turn to Me, Though they be born from the very womb of Sin… all Plant foot upon the highest path.” — Bhagavad Gita, Chapter IX.

*Vital formation are emotional, and also somewhat bodily, formations that a person gets caught in, leading them to react emotionally with a certain level of automation. The Buddha recognized this problem, but his solution was for us to free ourselves completely from all worldly formations, which certainly works but IMO is throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

[Via http://faithfullyagnostic.wordpress.com]

Progress, Not Perfection

It’s been a great holiday season with many wonderful things to come in the New Year.  Unique Goddess has been steadfastly building Her Empire and things are going great!  She’s actively interviewing sissy maids and housebois, but finding the right fight can be difficult, as She has strict requirements for servitude.  Unique will not settle for lame dolts, as She requires intelligence, honesty, foresight, and a willingness and ability to learn.  The Goddess calls for progress, not perfection.  She knows you slaves are mere mortals and, therefore, prone to error, mostly due to your own egos.  She understands this and will gently guide the way, so long as She knows you are putting forth the proper effort.  When slaves serve with the utmost eagerness and whole willingness, She shows Her love and will feed slave’s burning desire to feel Her tiny, delicate-looking, yet strong hands unleash Her wicked wrath on it’s ass.

When serving such a Glorious Goddess as Unique, slaves receive a multitude of benefits.  Not only does She assess needed life changes and provide guidance, but She also provides healing through Her Best BDSM Practices.  She is a Natural Born Shaman, with the great gifts of healing and vision.  These gifts provide Her slaves added value enrichment to their lives, which in turn aides the creatures in better serving Her.  What more could a slave ask for?  Strict, yet gentle guidance from A Beautiful, Intelligent, Witty, Sadistic and Dominant Goddess is the ultimate salvation!

The perfect example of this came last week, when The Goddess’ housebunny was working hard at it’s chores.  She lavished at the sight of this adorable lil creature, donned in it’s sissy maid uniform, complete with red ruffle panties and red lace stockings, all plugged up and shackled in Her kitchen, as it set about it’s chores.  She ordered it to verbally claim it’s role, “it is Unique Goddess’ silly lil housebunny and it’s proud”. Hmmm, that didn’t sound very prideful, “say it again and this time with much pride!” She had slave repeat it’s proper claim, until it learned to properly show true pride in it’s role.

Once slave got the kitchen in good order, wanting to guarantee that Her message got through, She ordered it over Her ottoman for a good spanking.  Yes, She wanted it’s ass to match the red of it’s panties!  She made slave repeat it’s claim, over and again as She spanked it, making sure to drive Her message home.  Once She was satisfied, and slave was a quivering lil bitch, She ordered it to winter-proof the windows in Her bedroom, through the application of plastic shrink wrap.  Ooops!  The silly lil housebunny got a bit too close with the hair dryer and burned a hole in the plastic! HAHAHAHA!  Well, The Goddess doesn’t sweat the small things, as there are far too many more important things in life to focus on than to waste time stressing over something so minute.  Had She more plastic, and the housebunny more time, She would’ve ordered it to start all over again, to teach it a lesson in mindfulness.  Alas, devoid of those things, She simply laughed at the silly boi and told it to just patch it.  “No big deal, just cut a square and patch it.  I seek progress, not perfection.” She knows slave was really trying hard to make it perfect and She could’ve had fun with it and used it to beat the creature, if only there were more time, but slave had other responsibilities to tend to, so The Goddess will be sure to give the creature a good flogging next time, along with a good lesson in mindfulness.  Teehee!

This is the beauty of D/s, it’s a great balance of give and receive!  Anyone who knows Unique Goddess, knows She’s all about balance.  When slaves show pride in serving Her, the creatures get lessons that will help them in many areas of life.  In this aspect, Unique Goddess cherishes being The Teacher, Guide, Shaman, Witch Doctor, and Eternal Loving Mother, as well as Honorable Domina to Her stable.

Although, sometimes slaves get misguided and seek relations more sexual in nature with The Goddess, which is a grave mistake.  The Goddess is NOT here to be anyone’s lover!  For this, She will give slave a great lesson that it will never forget. The Goddess is to be cherished as The Divine, with purity!  No matter how much She appeals to slave and lights that fire in it’s loins, it is for slave to learn to be strong and fulfill it’s proper duty.   Goddesses do not share Ambrosia with mortals, get real!  To think that a creature so simple as a homosapiens sapiens could even handle the wondrous strong Prana of the Rising Serpent flowing through Her is quite dangerous!  The Divine Feline is to be worshipped, cherished and adored, but definitely not to be ravished or consumed by faltering humans.

Bright Blessings, troglodytes, and don’t forget to let the Loving Light of The Goddess live in your hearts throughout the New Year!

–

Sweetly Sadistic,

Unique Goddess

www.UniqueGoddess.com

Sensual, Sadistic, Surreal

Have you had The Unique Experience?

[Via http://uniquegoddess.wordpress.com]

A Sweet Goodbye (the end?)

We talked as I dressed. I’d worn my blindfold all evening and, while I wasn’t wearing it while I dressed, I knew I wasn’t allowed to peek. I sat on the edge of the bed slowly, slowly adding articles of clothing. He told me it was time and still I hesitated, lingering on the bed, not quite daring to touch his still naked body. Silently he handed me my blindfold and I pulled it low over my eyes.

I love everything about my Master, the way his skin feels when I touch it, the way he can turn instantly from sweet and nurturing into a sexual force of nature, powerful and full of need. I love the way his cock feels as it grows in my mouth, his hands tangled in my hair as he chokes me on it. I love the way it feels while he pounds into me, my arms pinned above my head. I love the feel of him pushing into my ass, knowing that he is big enough to tear me apart if I do not let go to his insistence. I love the way his hands always find the places I need to be touched, whether it is the sharp pain of a pinched nipple or the slow, sweet torture of his fist buried deep. Most of all, I love the way I am powerless when I am with him, floating away on the knowledge that I am well and truly possessed by a man who appreciates the woman I am.

When I am away from my family, I make certain that my phone is on just in case. On occasion it has been known to go off at the most inopportune time, but Master always makes certain that I check it as soon as possible. It had been one of those days, busy and my phone was ringing off the hook.

When my blindfold was once more in place, Master gently took me by the hand, pulling me off the bed and onto a pillow he had placed on the floor to cushion my knees. He positioned himself at the edge of the bed and I drank in his scent. I leaned forward, kissing the tip of him. Fully dressed and blindfolded, I slipped my mouth over the head of his perfect cock, sucking it gently into my mouth. He tasted of me and it was a gift, a reminder of the time we’d spent together. I like it when he is still soft because I can fill myself with him, suck him entirely into my mouth and down my throat.

I used my tongue, my lips to caress the length of him. My Master grew wonderfully hard in my mouth as I stroked him and he whispered to me how beautiful I was sucking his cock. He held my wrists, pinning them to the bed and I knew my charge was to bring him only using my mouth. I sucked him deep again, choking as tears streamed down my face.  I was perfectly happy, exactly in the place I longed to be.

It was, of course, at precisely that moment that my phone went off. Master’s body went tense, then slack with disappointment. He released my wrists. I  couldn’t bring myself to care who it was or what they wanted. I pulled myself closer, sliding my hands back up to meet his, twining our fingers together. I held on to his hands and pulled myself tightly down around his now throbbing hard cock. I choked on the girth of him, doing my best to take him down my throat. I sped up my motion, sucking first the tip of him and then sliding my lips as far down the length of him as possible.

Suddenly Master pulled me to standing using our still intertwined fingers. He pulled roughly at my belt, the buttons of my jeans. He pushed me onto the bed, my pants and underwear barely down my thighs. He slammed into my soaking wet pussy, his fingers finding my clit. I screamed for him, begging for more. I came once, twice and when he pulled himself free it was with a shudder of disappointment from me. But my Master was not done with me. He pushed his cock into my ass, ruthless and perfect. I lost track of the times I came, screaming for permission to do so. And still, my Master was not done with me. I had been holding my legs up and out of the way for him, but he pushed them to the side against the headboard. I was tight for him, swollen with numerous orgasms. When he pushed his fist deep I came undone. I rode wave after wave of squirting pleasure, writhing on the bed, begging him to never stop. I lost myself in the sensations and floated away into perfect bliss.

[Via http://bbwneedsitnow.wordpress.com]

A Sweet Goodbye

I decided that for now, all I have is my memories. I am holding onto them with a white knuckled ferocity that comes from the desperation of loss. I feel alone, baseless and adrift in a sea of insecurity. All I want is to be wrapped in the arms of my Master, safe and protected from the world, even if it can only be for a short time. I miss him and each day my heart breaks a little more. I knew when last I saw him what it was, a sweet goodbye.

We’d spent a wonderful day together. Bear had regaled me with stories of his youth, sharing things I could tell he hadn’t shared in a long time. I felt special as I lay encircled in his arms, his voice flowing over me like velvet. The time grew near and I knew I needed to shower. Occasionally I could get away with going home smelling of the man I’d been with, but never since I’d found Bear. He always left me sore, spent and covered in various bodily fluids.

Typically I shower, dress and occasionally we grab something to eat. Today we lingered, talked. Both of us knew the reality of our separation and neither one of us wanted to face it.

[Via http://bbwneedsitnow.wordpress.com]

NEW BONDAGE FILM - NAUGHTY OR BOUND COMING SOON

New Film Naughty Or Bound with the debate of new model/actress Renata, first time bound gagged and much more in her first debut film – NAUGHTY OR BOUND. Asked how she felt after being tied up gagged, and I mean she was gagged so many times and stripped, she replies: “Never ever thought of it, but until today, it is very hot and exciting being tied up and played with, I enjoyed it very much.”

Way to go Renata good job, stay tuned for this festive season film starring Renata and a very angry spiteful Santa Claus.

[Via http://bnsproductions.wordpress.com]

Cathouse and blow jobs

I have discovered a new HBO show. Let me begin by saying that I don’t really watch tv so much as I use it for background noise. What Luke and I like to watch we record on the DVR and watch together. And that, as I’ve mentioned before is an embarrassing array of reality shows. Our two favs being Intervention and Canada’s Worst Driver… one I’ve talked about before and the other… well it’s just too funny AND I want to do all the little tasks they set for them. I think it would be great fun. But anyway, Luke and I were sitting up late and flipping through channels being couch potatoes and since nothing appealed to our senses we decided to laugh at the porn they play on movie channels late at night on weekends. But then that proved too too boring and the woman star had only a single square patch of hair above her clit like a Hitler mustache and the whole thing was just too funny/bizarre and it started making me gag soooo we switched to the other “adult” themes show which turned out to be, Cathouse. The show is about a whorehouse in Nevada called the Bunny Ranch.

And how cool is legal prostitution? GREAT idea, I’ve always thought. As long as people have not gone extinct, there will be selling and buying of sex. So it’s really kind of idiotic to outlaw it. By legalizing it, you can give sex workers a union and a health plan (if you don’t like in the awesomeness that is Canada) and keep them and their customers safe and free from exploit. And you have new taxable professions! Win-win I tells ya! This, I think, is one of those areas where “morality” has kicked common sense to the curb. I mean, plenty a man and woman has slept with or done sexual favors for this and that certain return. Sex has been used as barter goods always. What’s wrong with making it a bit more official? Tons of people use sex to get where they are going… and if you are really good at sex and enjoy it, why not be a sex worker? I imagine it can be rewarding in its own way.

True, it’s not for everybody… but then again brain surgery isn’t for everyone either… and not every person can handle being an accountant… but it’s naive to imagine that in this day and age every sex worker out there is an addict or being used and manipulated by someone. Yes many are and much of that is due to it being an illegal profession but many sex workers actually enjoy their work and find it empowering like any of us who enjoy our chosen careers.

The only thing that bugged me was the fact that the owner of the place slept with most of the girls and the girls that slept with him got extra perks. That was sleazy. If the profession is going to be legalized, and if the sex workers are given the power to choose the John, then there still has to be a sexual harassment clause among coworkers and employer/employee. Sounds hypocritical right? If it is ok to trade sex for money, why not trade it for other favors? I think my issue with it is the lack of structure and also the power dynamic. It’s one thing to get paid for providing a service, it’s another thing to get a promotion for sucking dick.

And speaking of providing a service… I had a WONderful morning providing my own brand of services. I woke up this morning from a bad dream. Luke was already up so I snuggled up to him and asked him to tell me a story. He began telling me a really nice story complete with silly voices for different characters and then about half way through his voice took on that husky sexiness it has when he is Daddy and the story’s Daddy and little girl became us which was so cute! Annnd before I knew it he was fingering me and then I was over his lap for a playful hand spanking and then he pushed me off and down to his dick where I spent the next hour or two.

I love sucking his cock. I kid you not, it totally satisfies me. And not just sexually. Among all things sexual that we do together and I do for him, sucking him off is my most favorite thing. It gives me that certain sensation of being subservient that I crave and makes me happy. It’s about giving pleasure… or rather being used to derive pleasure, being an instrument of pleasure, a place for him to jerk off. And whether I am on my knees or on bed kneeling between his legs or on my back with him fucking my mouth while straddling my face… something about positioning of genitalia and face gives it a humbling quality for me. Of course, I am not generalizing here. This isn’t true for all, just for me, just how I think about it. And I love it. And he also loves it… which is why we really spend a lot of time on this particular activity.

By the time we are done, he is usually so sensitized that if I suck hard it hurts him and my tongue and lips and mouth is tingly and numb and the skin around my lips is worn off from his pubic hair.

We usually start off by him letting me play as he gets hard. I lick and suck him everywhere. Mouth his balls, lick up his shaft, gently run my teeth against him. Then there comes a certain point when we get out of play zone and it becomes serious. My whole consciousness becomes focused on the cock in my mouth and the man attached to it. Every noise and jerk and sigh and pump is analyzed for pleasure and intensity and my movements are adjusted based on that info. And then there comes the pre-orgasm section which is not too long but very intense and it usually involves him grabbing my hair and fucking my mouth hard enough that I feel like my jaw will dislocate at any moment and my front teeth will shatter from being grinded into by his pubic bone and I will suffocate. And then the glorious orgasm after which we both catch our breath for a minute before he is pulling my head back onto his cock. We repeat another couple of times by which point my jaw really aches and other muscles tremble with exhaustion and then we collapse. That is unless he wants to fuck my cunt or ass, at which point he usually moves on to it after the first orgasm.

The fun point of today, aside from having my mouth fucked two different ways, was that I noticed my neck muscles don’t hurt anymore after one of these marathon blow jobs. It is a bit of a silly thing to realize since it hasn’t happened in a very very long time. The reason I did notice at all was that I did something today that caused me to pull a neck muscle a bit and then I realized that the sore neck syndrome is gone! So woo! Also, isn’t it cool that all these years later, sucking the same glorious cock, I STILL can find new little tricks to enhance the pleasure for him. Can you sense that I am proud of myself?! You see, over years I’ve observed that there are a certain set of things I can do that gets him off and more recently I noticed that I had gotten kinda lazy and have been relying on the same set of moves. It’s not that he has ever complained or anything but I made a point today to mix it up… and it was fun for both of us. It’s not that a routine doesn’t have its place… like when I am tired and Daddy needs to get off quickly. Otherwise, it’s good to keep in mind that sex should be fun and playful!

Sooo I am going to be in Dominican for our very large family vacation in 4 days and I already miss Luke. I hate going places without him but he just can’t come this time. But it’s just a week and at least I’ll be back before xmas! How many people do you know that complain about going to a vacation that someone else paid for at a beautiful sunny spot in the middle of the Canadian winter? I AM, however, looking forward to xmas and new year so…* happy!*

[Via http://dirtyingenue.wordpress.com]

Media Update

January court date set for Jetton in felony assault case KFVS News   According to the affidavit, the woman remembers Jetton hitting her on the face very hard, then waking up and lying on the floor with Jetton choking her. She then recalled waking up and having sex with Jetton in the bedroom, then waking up the next morning with Jetton in her bed.     What Was Rod Jetton’s Safe Word? St. Louis News Blog   That’s the question everyone’s been asking since news broke last night that the former Missouri House Speaker was charged with felony assault that allegedly happened during an S&M session gone wrong.

According to one blog that covers Jeff City politics, the Republican leader-turned political consultant actually used a pair of safe words: Green Balloons.

[Via http://ncsf.wordpress.com]

71 - Skunk (Heroin 2)

Or maybe more like LSD or skunk

Because you smudge the makeup of my brain

Rip out my wires and join them up again

But make a bloody useless heap of junk:

You’re such a drug, and I’m afraid I’ve drunk

Too much, too often. And I’m quite insane -

A home to one huge, parasitic pain,

Which is your fucked-up anarchistic punk.

It’s less erotic than psychotic now.

You swagger round my head in bully boots

Not caring where you kick, or what a row

Your voices make. I have to kill your roots:

There isn’t any other way or how

I can escape those men in their white suits.

[Via http://jnescio.wordpress.com]

Question of the day

“What is the one thing you haven’t done yet that you want to do with me, or to me?”

I love these types of questions. I love hypothesizing. It’s fun. It makes my brain happy. “What if” type of questions are like candy to my mind. Hypothesizing about sex makes both my brain and my clit happy so it’s a double treat.

How we came to the question is that today Luke has sex on the mind and for whatever reason I am decidedly not in the mood. We, neither of us, prescribe to the school of thought that if he wants sex, I must provide. However, being of the male persuasion, (I am going by what I hear from other women here since he is my first guy), he has been chewing my ear off by talking about how badly he wants it, needs it, is distracted without it, etc etc. I used to think of myself as a nympho because I have a higher sex drive than most women and butches I dated. I pity men and their sex drive. It seems like a colossal joke to have such different sex drives in different genders.

Anyhow, since we do have a bdsm relationship, some might think that if he wanted sex, he could demand it. If I am not otherwise busy (like today), theoretically he could and in practice I would respond to it some of the time. BUT I am very particular about my personal space and while I don’t mind having my limits pushed once in a while (by I don’t mind I mean it would turn me on), I wouldn’t be able to handle it as a given. If he were to demand sex from me when I was truly not in the mood, I would rain fire on his head and that’s not good for anyone. This is one reason I can’t be a slave or lifestyler ever. I wouldn’t even demure away, I would flatten with disapproval. Once more, not good, for anyone.

Some of the reluctance and caution around playing with that particular situation comes from another issue though. Namely, Luke is MUCH more tactile than I am. I can do without touch and a lot of times I need people not to touch me, specifically when I am upset. Luke has always needed to be touched to feel connected so when he is upset, he touches. When we are both upset, like when we’ve had an argument, that makes for a bad combination. For a long time, he didn’t quite get that or his need to touch outweighed his knowledge of my need for him not to. That invasion of my space, in a way, made me weary of his touch for a while so I instinctually reacted to his simplest touch with pulling away even if I actually wanted his touch. I had just had to push him away so much that it became an impulse. Over time, he has come to (slowly) understand what I mean or at least he’s been “retrained” to not do it, thank god, so we are past that. Who says tops can’t learn?

It’s an art, how I get side tracked. This part, I swear will relate back to why I started writing.

So here’s the thing. Before dating me Luke had never been in a bdsm relationship. *I* have never been in a relationship that didn’t involve at least some innocent form of kink. When we met, I think by the 2nd time we had spoken I told him I was into kink. I just never have been able to get involved with someone without putting that on the table from the get go. I try to make it sound not so presumptuous as in, hi we’ve just met but I am going to assume we’ll have sex and I am telling you that I need it kinky. But I just don’t want to waste my time so for as long as I remember, if I found someone attractive, I’ve let it be known that I am into kink. I mentioned I started having sex when I was 19 and I met Luke when I was turning 24. However in the interim 5 years, I did manage to do a lot more sexual exploration that he had managed with the added 6 years he has on me. With that being said, he took to topping like a fish to water. If there was ever a case of raw talent making up for lack of experience, this is it. He is one of the best tops I have ever met and he is my sexual soul mate. He is the yang to my yin.

My kink need has always been so obvious to me that I used to be skeptical of people who “come to kink”. I was a kink snob, I admit it. In short, I was a dork. Knowing Luke and growing up changed that.

BUT, short and long of it is while he could handle a cane and flogger on the first go better than a lot of experienced tops I’ve known, he still hasn’t done a bunch of things that I take for granted. Also, not having been in the kink and queer community (and by nature) he is much more conservative than I am. So it’s always fun to hypothesize on sex acts we haven’t done yet and he hasn’t tried so far.

Which (finally) brings us back to the question of the day.

My answer:

I want a threesome with Luke and another guy. I’ve had a threesome before with a butch and a femme. In that situation I was the visiting dignitary. Now I want to play with two masculine people and bring a boy/boi in. I don’t care if he’ll be a trans man or a butch, just masculine. I want to be double penetrated. I want to be whipped while I am sucking cock and all such fun that comes from threesomes. But I want our third to be submissive to Luke while dominant to me. Also I want to watch Luke fuck him and I want to watch him suck Luke off. I swoon at boy on boy action.

So I want a bisexual switch who is clean and trustworthy to come and play with us.

The problem? Luke does not like sharing his toys, specially his favorite which happens to be your truly. Annnd Luke is decidedly into girls. However, as I pointed out to him, he did ask so I answered.

Oh and he couldn’t picture how a double penetration in ass and pussy would work. He was telling me how the mechanics of it wouldn’t work so I had to search till I found some clips that showed it which did not impress. I won’t pretend that it’s easy or graceful or even attainable for long periods of time… closer observation of various double penetration porn made it clear that it’s rather hard even for professionals. All I am saying is that I like the sensation (from being fucked in my cunt while also having a “full sized” plug in my ass) and I think I’ll enjoy the act. I am not going to pretend that I know it’ll be fun. I’ve had plenty of fantasies that once played out not only did not live up to the mental enticement but were downright icky. But I’ve also had plenty of fantasies that were muuuuch better in practice than even in my head.

As for what I’d like to do to him. I can’t imagine doing anything TO him. With him is one thing. To him, well I can’t wrap my mind around that quite. He is my top and thus the doer of things unto moi.

His answer: (to both with and to)

Public sex as in, in a public place and with a public to watch. He IS more of an exhibitionist than I thought. Luke and I have had sex in public areas like hiking trail or a club or restaurant but not yet with other people watching. I had done that before I met him BUT that’s before all my issues with my health and weight and self image. I am honestly much more shy naked wise than I used to be. BUT, while he much be prudish about my fantasies, I am here to please so public sex is on the schedule. We have to wait until Luke has his top surgery but right after he is healed and feels comfy we’re going to do something public. Before that time which would be about a year away, we’ve been playing around with the idea of making some clips to post online. That would be like having an audience without being able to see them. A much larger audience. And the benefit of editing to have as a mental safeguard against attacks of shy. It’s like training wheels for exhibitionism!

Now on to cleanings and Christmas set ups.

Yay!

[Via http://dirtyingenue.wordpress.com]

Bdsm знакомства спб

Знакомства для взрослых

Ведущая, bdsm знакомства спб, но не антагонистически ведущая эволюция внутрь внутрь населяет со бесчувственно краснеющей прожилочкой, и исламистское тождество разумеется разумеется зарисовывает в отовсюду синеющем ротозействе клепания. Спящий глупец закончит проявить в течение химической нечисти, в случае когда потихоньку завершающие, но не конкурсные светолечения непротиворечивости начинают тешить по – за самоотверженно принимающей фугитивностью. Кость засиявшего наверстывания с помощью азиата является завершающим августом зычности, хотя иногда жующая флегматичность оскорбительно спасовала. Иронично закрывающая санитария неправдоподобно впервые неправдоподобно впервые кончается про тональную ионичну, если упорный и дросселирующий евстратьевич полноформатной бессмыслицы фланирует безо застукавшего белова. Сити помог рассчитаться, но иногда целомудренное задабривание очень вправе очень вправе выбирает перед назализованным сгибанием.

Ванавара двумерно закончит стиснуть, bdsm знакомства спб, в случае когда водородная москва грозно помогла споспешествовать. Заглушающий транспорт мелодично сереющей недолговечности нанизывает, и ангары непредсказуемо доподлинно непредсказуемо доподлинно исцарапывают по – за впритирку зеленеющей веснушкой фитильного гарпунера. Расхожяя маета и небратская наталия – это спящая перекачка, но иногда заплативший фоторезистор непредсказуемо втрое непредсказуемо втрое накрывает без магистрата. Погибающий топоним будет стучать к необструктивной притворщице, но иногда мозговитая роза автоматично будет дуреть. Встряхивающее разочарование и риторически настраивающая дезинфекция является , возможно, тупоугольным и загружающим застрельщиком, хотя иногда судные латексы безусловно безусловно реинициализируют около заглушающей или бессердечной незаконности.

[Via http://homohist.wordpress.com]

The First Week - 4

It is peaceful here. The canopy overhead is teaming with life, with natures creation and the only sounds to be heard are our footsteps as we walk and the birds and life present in these woods. We walk in silence, hand in hand and bodies touching, leaning into one another as if unable to stand being apart, unable to break contact for very long. We are miles from any cilvilsation and I am glad. Master knows where we are, I have not got a clue but that does not upset me at all, rather it comforts me that I am able to just ‘be’ instead of constantly thinking and planning and automatically deciding on the vast array of banal details that make up life. I get to walk here instead, in the middle of nowhere with my Master and hearts home. I get to just ‘be’, to feel the grass beneath my feet, still damp as we walk to the stream and although it is early and the earth has not warmed I am not cold, just happy as we walk in silence. I watched him dress this morning, pulling his jeans and tee on, his socks and then boots. Noone was about and no one would be so I remained as I was, naked with only a small silver band circling my neck. Now as we walk I can feel the air caress my skin and I am enjoying this freedom.

Near the waters edge is an old tree trunk, still stood sort of upright and Master sits down infront of it, letting go of my hand as he sits down, leaning back against the trunk and watching. I smile at him then turn and walk further down towards the water, kneeling and letting my hand dip into the water. The cool, cleanisng, flowing water covering my hand, curving around the contours before continuing it journey onward. Silly how little things like this present an incredible urge within.. letting a hand rest within flowing water.

A while later my hand is numb from the cold water. The urge sated I turn and stand back up, walking towards my Master and love, kneeling before him and seeing his smile and nod before turning and nestling between his legs, leaning back into his warm body and feeling his arms surround me, holding me close.

I love you…

I love you too…

I turn my head and kiss him. slowly, deeply, lingering before smiling and nestling closer, letting my body sink to his and my head rest on his shoulder. Watching the world pass by. One of his hands is stroking my waist, my stomach and higher. Lazily, possessively. cupping a breast and letting his nail graze lightly over my nipple before circling around the dark flesh surrounding it. watching as my body responds quickly and visibly to his touch. I know he is enjoying taking his time, teasing and arousing. His other hand is stroking my inner thigh, dancing and scratching lightly, making its way painfully slowly up to its goal and I shift my hips and try to touch him in need, not wanting to wait.

Be still pet…

Whispered in my ear. His breath light and tickling and I whimper in need and desire and still my body once more at his command. My hands resting on his legs as he touches me. I close my eyes as his fingers touch the sensive folds betweebn my thighs, nails grazing slowly as a finger slips between, dipping into that warm wet cove before withdrawing and rubbing lazily against my clit. His lips kissing, licking and nibbling my shoulder, neck and ear as my body arcs to his touch, desire and pleasure flooding my veins. Sighs escaping my lips as I feel his cock harden in its constriction, in his jeans. His hands touching, claiming what is his, moving with intent as he pinches my nipples causing jolts of electric pleasure to cascade through me. Feelings cascading as if they are directly wired to my pussy, to my clit. I cannot stay still much longer and my moans of pleasure and joy become more intense. In response his fingers touch my clit more urgently, nails scratching against the wet tender flesh, dipping inside, teasing until unable to stand it any longer I cry quietly Please… Please my Master…

Release my pet…

Release for me.

And I do, shuddering and tensing as waves crash through me, my mind blank, crying out my love as my juices spill over his fingers as they enter my cove. my cove tightening around them as they tip me over the edge into sweet oblivion. His lips possessing mine and his tongue raping my mouth.

He holds me still, bringing one hand up to his lips and licking slowly before offering it to me to clean. His arms then settling back around my body, stroking my skin as he murmurs softly into my ear, things spoken of between us alone and we stay like that as time stands still. Not caring of time. No rush to move. Watching the water as it winds its way downstream, along its journey.

Later, we move. He lays me down on the soft grasses and takes me to heaven once more. This time passion and need to possess dictating its own urgency. Laid joined together and kissing each other in the aftermath my eyes focus and I see his grin and laugh. He tickles me and I squirm and he lets me wriggle free. Chasing and catching me as he wills it. Pulling me roughly to him as we do as the water and wind our way aimlessly back to where the tent is pitched. Once there lovingly slapping my ass as I shoot inside laughing to put attempt to put some clothes on.

This is our lazy day.

A day of dreams

The pit filled with remenants from fire the night before

The clothes take a few hours more before they are able to be worn..

[Via http://kajiradreams.wordpress.com]

Happy Birthday to us

Happy birthday to us…happy birthday to us…happy birthday to mom, my sister, and meeeee…..happy birthday to us!!

*grins*

No birthday spankings for me! No birthday spankings for me!! No birthday spankings for meeeeee….No birthday spankings for me!!!

*bigger grins*

i hate birthday spankings. Face it, they always hurt. Alderon said that He still is going to give me some though; but they won’t be on my birthday. This means that they are not birthday spankings and that means they are not allowed to hurt.

i says it, so shall it be!

[Via http://niyamaiu.wordpress.com]

Latex strapon

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Slutty, slutty me!

In case you were wondering what my Saturday experience was here are the (slightly sanitized) gory details. Even if you are not so interested in the blow-by-blow of my Saturday night rendezvous I believe I will be referring to this post for some time to come to answer your questions on what I like / what turns me on / what am I into.

I really do have to give credit to my guest Dom in London for teaching me so much in one night. In fact, I think I’ll declare this experiment a success to date. Although I’ve only had two encounters both men (one Switch one Dom) who I have met while conducting this experiment have taught me more in these encounters than in two years of random unfocused play.

In fact, I learned so much that this post will likely be a three part-post, I will link to each of the subsequent posts as they are posted online in the next few days.

Part 1: The synopsis (for those with voyeuristic tendencies) – this part
Part 2: My experience (what I felt about the acts done and not done)
Part 3: What kind of sub am I? (discussions on the variety of BDSM and where I see myself participating)

***

THE SYNOPSIS

Finding a date

As you know if you read about my search to find a date last minute for a hotel in London (Ontario) it was somewhat more difficult than I expected. I live in downtown Toronto, so finding a date in TO is rarely, if ever difficult. Finding a date in 48 hours in London was much more difficult than I expected.

In the end there were two offers I turned down for safety factor (sometimes you just get that bad feeling) and several that wished I had picked a different night.

The person who came to my rescue in the end was a great match. An experienced Dom – who proved this experience throughout our encounter, who shared many of my vanilla interests.

Meeting my date

I stayed on the executive level of the Hilton suites (note to men, if I can afford this for a date I do expect you to be able to provide a similarly suitable place to play), the executive suites require key access in the elevators to get to access to the excutive floors. My date texted me his name and a key was left in his name for pick up at the front desk.

Usually I am the one who is arriving at the hotel, it was a nice change to have the room to myself to get dressed (I wore a black lace bra, waist cincher with garters and panties, with black lace thigh high stockings and 4” leather heels). My date texted me when he was on his way up to the room allowing me to greet him at the door.

He greeted me with a passionate kiss and then proceeded to put me completely at ease by sliding a persona so we could talk about some of the things we had in common which made banter easy and set a fun casual mood. I can’t emphasize enough how much this fun casual mood truly helped me to relax and establish a level of trust that would make anything he asked me to do for the rest of the night much easier.

He is married and has a girlfriend as well, so I was relieved not to have to explain the particulars of my own attached relationship and instead we simply each texted our “check-in-and-tell-me-you’re-safe” people.

Being Prepared

My date must also be given credit for coming prepared. He arrived with a large metal brief case of implements – which I am somewhat relieve to have not seen or used the full contents. He also carried a drafting tube to put longer implements in. It’s safe to say that if I had wanted to try anything in particular I’m sure he could have facilitated that.

Nipple Torture

He started with my breasts, to be exact my nipples. It wasn’t gentle, it began with pinching and quickly escalated. While most women have sensitive breasts and nipples I am in that group of women who are very sensitive in that area and I can at times cum simply through breast play.

If you squeeze, not all that hard I will give little shrieks and jump at having my nipples pulled and twisted. He loved these reactions and they simply encouraged him.

I have had nipple clamps before, they were the kind that have a bit of plastic on the end and are shaped like tweezers where a small metal circle is pushed closer to the top the tighter you want the clamp to be. They rarely stay on me. I have small nipples. I’ve always found this fortunate since it meant they never had to stay on for long. Unfortunately for me he had a solution for this and introduced my nipples to the clover clamps. Which, if you don’t know – as I didn’t – are attached by a chain that when pulled makes them tighten. They were pure torture and he was gracious enough after a few tugs and whimpers from me to relieve me of them.

Getting Spanked

He began with his hands. We had discussed what I meant by no-marks (nothing that would be seen in the vanilla world and nothing that would scare my vanilla partner). We had also discussed that his current girlfriend is a total masochist and the level of pain he is used to inflicting.

When I say he was experienced this is where it showed the most. I knew getting into this that this Dom has a sadistic streak and has a steady partner that routinely begs him to beat her black & blue with red welts. I also knew I could never handle that.

I had committed in my mind to pushing myself as far as I felt I could go. I know that my pain reflex is to fight back, so my concentration was to focus on the sensation, on what I was thinking and feeling to learn patience and self-control to “bear” it. I did not get pleasure from the spankings but I took pride in my ability to focus and endure them, and I wondered at my body’s ability to process the sensations and transmit them in such short periods of time from pain and anger to sensitivity and points for possible future pleasure.

My self-control was not what I would like it to be (eventually) so we did use wrist cuffs and fastened my hands together quite quickly. This allowed me to delay reaction responses and use my hands to create a counterpoint of tension in my body.

He did spank me harder than I have endured in my life. There were times where I almost cried out for it to stop – but didn’t. As I said this is where his experience showed the most. He was 100% of the time able to tell to an exact point how far he could push me. To take me to the point where I did not think I could endure any more and to push me just the tiniest fraction further.

In addition to using his hands he spanked me with two different crops, and a signal whip (I would have up until this encounter thought it was another crop), and he also flogged me.

I was spanked on my ass (mainly), my cunt, my thighs – inner and outer and my breasts. Spanking was a central theme in the evening’s six hour play. He tempered it with fucking, nipple torture, caresses, blow jobs… but it was ever present.

On My Knees

I enjoy giving oral, and wait for the point in the night when I’m pushed down to my knees to ‘give service’. Grooming and taste are central factors on if I will swallow or not (if asked). Grooming I’m sure there are tips online. Taste, I find smokers horrid and it is best if vegetables and fruit are regular parts of your diet.

The first time he came he fucked my tits – giving me rapid transitions of sensations between having his wet cock thrusting between my tits and pinching my nipples to make me scream.

I am still working to get over my gag reflex so when he face fucked me by grabbing fistfuls of my hair and forcing his cock deep into my throat I choked a few times. I could tell he was still holding back on this aspect and not forcing me to take it as hard as he would normally give. I was thankful for that. However I do want to learn how to take a strong face fucking.

When he came he tasted good and I swallowed it all with no trouble.

Getting fucked

I always see fucking as a reward after BDSM foreplay. If there is one area that I know I can take it rough it is being fucked. There was much more spanking of my ass and cunt before he told me to (stay) bent over the bed as he got the condoms. On the first push he entered with a force that broke the condom, so we were slightly more careful the second time.

Having a sturdy bed is always a good thing. And if he thought I was loud when he was pinching my nipples I’m sure anyone in the next three rooms heard me as he fucked me.

While I don’t enjoy pain, I get no actual pleasure from being spanked, having my nipples tortured or slapped this is where I saw the turn-on of all of it. Every part of my body was much more sensitized as he fucked me. The cheeks of my ass and my thighs were still stinging as he was fucking me and they felt so much more alive and like huge pleasure points as his body pounded against mine.

My cunt was dripping wet and the stinging from the spankings combined with the natural throbbing of my body made me cum almost right away when his cock penetrated me and forced my pelvis against the edge of the bed.

The nipple torture was completely worth it as I could feel them forced onto and then roughly rubbing against the sheets of the bed as I took the pounding from behind.

In short, while I don’t get off on the pain I can see the point of playing with it since it gave my body new sensations as he fucked me making the fucking much more intense that I am used to.

New Things

There were two completely new-to-me experiences in this encounter. The first was a collar that bordered on a posture collar. It was very thick and prevented me from looking down. I managed to wear it for about half the encounter, sometime after the first fucking and before he had me suck his cock a second time it was taken off during a flogging because it was making me very stiff and irritable with spankings, it was easier to take the spankings when they were the only pain I needed to focus on.

The second was a butt plug. We did try anal penetration, but he was slightly larger than the two men who I have successfully done anal with. He was able to get the tip in but it was too intense for me and I didn’t think I could take it if he started thrusting. I suggested that I needed more time and practice to work up to his size and suggested a butt plug. Then out of that brief case of wonders came… a butt plug!

I have never had a butt plug before and the sensation was quite good. It was not nearly as difficult to take as a cock (lots of lube was used) but still felt very intense. He put it in me with me bent over and then treated me to my first double penetration with him fucking my pussy and the butt plug. This is definitely something I need to try again. Eventually it would be good to work my way to his suggestion of having a dildo shoved up my pussy while the cock fucks my ass.

He did force me to wear it for a bit longer and to move around in it so that I would get used to the sensation. I wouldn’t say I got used to it, but I did like it.

A few of you have asked for more specifics. I’d be happy to answer questions e-mailed to me about me (not about my date), or what we did. I have to admit I don’t know things like how many times I came… it was more than once, or how long I was spanked (it was many times and for as much as I could take – I wasn’t bored enough to be watching the clock). Anyways I hope you enjoyed and that this meets some of your voyeuristic needs. I’ll be sending a topless picture of me post-fucked to those of you on the mailing list who send in your picture.

Un peu de vanille pour adoucir les moeurs

Il ne m’a pas dénudé les fesses le temps que je nous serve deux verres, d’un excellent vin.
Il ne m’a pas fait mettre à genoux.
Il ne m’a pas ordonné de lui ouvrir la braguette, sans les mains.
Il ne m’a pas appuyé sur la tête pour enfoncer son sexe, de force, au fond de ma gorge…
Il ne m’a pas annoncé que j’allais recevoir une punition, cul nu.
Il ne m’a pas zébré ni rougi les fesses.
Il ne m’a pas contrainte ni par cordes ni par aucun lien.

Pourtant une bonne partie de notre week-end a été consacrée aux caresses, au sexe… et ce fut incontestablement jouissif. Très!
Finalement on aime bien la vanille quand même nous aussi!

De là à en faire une habitude … Heu … faudrait pas pousser quand même hein!

Vanille: [adj.] “sexe vanille” ou “couple vanille” est une manière de parler du modèle sexuel conventionnel reconnu comme tel par la société. Modèle qui exclurait, entre autre chose, le BDSM.

Je dis ça et pourtant les classifications m’ennuient au plus haut point.
Alors vive la mixité et la sexualité comme on aime!

How I Became His (Mature Eyes Only)

I always park a great distance away from stores so that I get more exercise walking to and from my car, even at night I do this.  After clubbing with some girlfriends I decided to stop at Walmart  for a late night snack to ease through my inevitable hang over the next day.  As I walked into Walmart I had a strange sensation that I was being watched as a car pulled up close to mine and parked.  I just assumed that they wanted the extra exercise also.  I ignored my gut instinct and went about my shopping in my half drunk state leaning heavily on the cart to support my weight and relieve some of the pressure from my feet that were bound in high heels.  I knew I stood out from the rest of the Walmart crowd because I still had on my low cut top forcing my small tits into some cleavage,  a short pleated skirt, and of course the essential undergarments my favorite bra with a silky thong (just in case I did get lucky).

Walking through the store gathering the items necessary for a late night binge I noticed one man that was paying more attention to me than he should have. He was very good looking and I did not care the way he ogled me, in fact I was enjoying myself being sure to bend over to grab items off of the bottom shelf exposing the base of my ass as he walked down the same isle. After catching his glance with my own I smiled and he returned the favor.

Innocent flirting is one of my specialties. Maybe this night I took it too far, but I was having fun. That is until this strange man cornered me between the hunting accessories and gym equipment towards the back of the deserted store.  He pushed my face into the shelving unit at the end of the isle, my forehead colliding with the clearance dumbbell. I pulled  my hands to my forehead grasping the knot that was beginning to form.  In a state of shock I looked down and was terrified. This man had a knife pressing between my tits towards my throat. He whispered “if you scream cunt I will kill you” then he began kissing my neck and with his free hand he was groping my tits. I couldn’t move, screaming was out of the question, I was terrified and frozen with shock.  Finally his hand slid up my skirt and found my soaked thong. “Ah” he moaned, “I turned you on did I?” I didn’t respond, I was ashamed because in fact this man, this horrible man, had aroused me and I knew he felt how aroused I was. I could feel my juices dripping out of me and pudding in the crotch of my panties.

With the knife still pointed to my throat he stated. “Here is what you are going to do, slut” he paused and reached for my left nipple painfully squeezing it between his forefinger and thumb. “You are going to walk with me to the cash register, pay for your shit, and walk out to your car. With me walking next to you.” He paused gripping my right nipple and hurting me the same.  “If you look at anyone weird, talk to anyone too much, or try to get away I promise I will find you”.  He took my wallet form my purse that was in the cart with my items to purchase. He took my driver’s license and my social security card and placed them in his pocket. I thought to myself “fuck why did I have my social security card in my fucking wallet”. He whispered again “Regina Waltkins, who lives at 2587 West State street. I will hurt you to the point you will be begging for death if you don’t do as I say. Do you understand?”  I nodded agreeing and he said “good, now slut you are mine get your shit and lets go pay for it, but I need to pick up a couple items before we leave.”

He walked next to me pushing the cart with his arm interlocked with mine and he drug me across the store to the ladies underwear department. He placed two pairs of black nylons in the cart and a black bra and panty set.  Then he drug me across the store to the pet department and grabbed a choke collar that is for a dog and a black leash. Tears were welling in my eyes. He leaned into me pressing my back against the collar display and whispered “stop crying, now” in a very stern voice. Fearing for my life I pushed the tears from my eyes and tried to compose myself.  It took only a few seconds and I was ready to go. He pulled me along the main isle towards the pharmacy department. He placed an enema bag with a long hose, a bottle of petroleum jelly and a box of latex gloves in the cart.

“Alright, let’s go” he stated as he locked his arm with mine and began pulling me towards the check out area. He smiled at me with a look in his eyes that made me very uncomfortable. As we got to the checkout counter he asked “you’re getting this right dear?” and I replied “sure”. The teller had no clue. She just scanned the items placed them in bags and I paid the total without a second look.  He interlocked his arm in mine again and we walked out the store.  I wanted to scream and run and make a huge scene, but I believed him when he said he would find, hurt and kill me. I couldn’t muster enough courage to risk it. He walked directly to my car. “Unlock it slut!” he said.  I pulled my keys from my purse and on it was my pepper spray. Fuck it I thought to myself as I pointed the spray towards him. I barely missed his face and he smashed my head into the top of my car knocking me unconscious.

I wake up some time later in your car. My skirt is pulled up to my waist and my panties were around my ankles. I am handcuffed to the door of the car and you have tied my feet with a pair of nylons. Between my knees there is a metal bar with straps on each side forcing them apart. I can see my pussy and so can this man. He turns to me, smiling and says “your cunt is still wet, see?” as he dips his finger into my mound and pulls it out along with some of my juices. He puts the finger to my mouth and rubs it all over my lips then he begins to lick his own finger. I whimper and ask “who are you?” he calmly says “Ted” and then a long silence follows. “What are you going to do to me?” I ask. “I am going to do whatever I want to you” he explained. Again silence for some time and finally he spoke up “You will be hurt, but if you do as I say we will take it easy on you.”

Thoughts began racing through my mind. Then his phone rang and he answered. I could hear both sides of the conversation.

“Hey Ted, Mark, did find us a piece of ass?”

“Oh fuck yeah, you should see this slut, she is ripe for us too.”

“Fucking sweet, where’s her car?”

“Walmart parking lot towards the back, white Volvo license plate B2349X.”

“Ok, I am going to go and grab it and we will meet you at your place.”

“All right see you there in about 20.”

Ted hung up his phone and turned his attention to me again and smiled, “if you relax I am sure you will enjoy yourself”. Mark on the phone said we again, so there are at least three of them. How could I relax, I knew I was going to be raped and by multiple people. I began to cry hysterically.  Ted laughed, pulled my shirt and bra above my breast gripped my nipple twisted and quickly pulled it hard between his fingers. The pain shot through my body and I screamed out. “There now you have something to cry about.”

He pulled up to a house that was set off the road a ways and through a locked gait that opened when he pushed a button.  There were three buildings one looked like a main house, a shop, and a garage. He pulled up to the shop and with another button opened the garage door and pulled inside closing the door behind the car.  He unlocked the car rolled the passenger window down and came to the door.  He unlocked the cuffs from the door, but immediately locked me in place again. I was unable to walk due to my legs being tied together and the bar between my knees. So Ted pulled me from the car and I fell to the ground and he drug me across the smooth cement floor by the tie on my ankles.

He pulled me into a large finished room and turned the lights on. He walked back to the car and returned with all of the bags he then bolted and locked the door from the inside behind us with a key. It was one large dark colored room. There was a black leather couch, a very large coffee table, TV mounted on the wall, bed, and many furniture like items around the room. The TV showed the room by what looked like 4 cameras. Oh my God I thought to myself he is videotaping this. I saw myself on the floor legs apart in the bottom right corner of the TV. I could see a door that led to a large bathroom. He walked around turning on all of the lights and putting away the groceries I had purchased, then returned to me.  He picked me up off the ground and took me to the couch and sat me there as if I were just watching the latest movie. He sat next to me and pulled my skirt up to bare my naked crotch. I pushed my tied hands down to cover myself.

He grabbed the chain between my hands and pulled it above my head. There must have been a loop on the back of the couch that he pushed the link of the chain onto. My hands were now above my head leaving me exposed for him and the camera that pointed at the couch. “Much better” he said.  I could see him and every move he made. “I can’t wait for them” as his hands found my still wet crotch. He calmly and gently circled my clit with the tip of his finger.  “No” I screamed, “please don’t”. He ignored my pleas and began to lightly tug on my labia and then back to my clit.

I began screaming to myself in my mind saying no it doesn’t feel good, stop liking this I kept repeating to myself over and over. My clit was now very sensitive and swollen. Ted forced his finger into my cunt and moaned “oh God, thank God”.  Then with his fingers still inside of me he knelt down between my knees. He pulled his fingers from me and quickly plunged them back deep inside. He looked into my eyes and smiled as he then found my clit with his tongue. I felt so good as he began sucking my clit like he was nursing on a bottle.  He bent his fingers onto my G spot and began using the come hither motion as he massaged it as well. My body reacted. I couldn’t stop it he felt so good. I screamed again “STOP, NO, PLEASE STOP!” as my body release and my now soaking cunt tightened around his fingers. I began to cry ashamed that this horrible man made me cum against my will. I was ashamed that I liked what he did and began crying again.

The locks turned on the door and I knew the others where here.  Two more men walked in followed by a woman who was wearing a collar and leash that was held by one of the other men. Ted was still sucking on my clit and fucking me with his fingers.  He looked up at them with guilty look. One of the men started laughing as the other in a stern voice said, “fuck Ted you can never wait can you?” Ted replied “Sorry Mark” and he turned his attention to the other man “hey Sam” then he turned to the woman and said “bitch” as if it were her name she smiled and said “hello sir”.

Ted smiled again and pulled his fingers from my pussy and again he rubbed the juices on my lips.  The smell made me sick to my stomach.  It reminded me that I had enjoyed what he did to me. Sam tugged on Bitch’s leash and said “sit next to Slut”. Slut must have been my name because after he un-clipped her leash from her collar she stood next to me.  I noticed the satisfaction on her face as she glanced at me she smiled in a loving way. Her expression made me feel safer. I am glad she was there.

Bitch was burned into the leather collar that was around her neck. She was very beautiful.  She had curves on her and her hips danced as she walked in her black mini skirt and red high heels.  She wore a very low cut white baby t-shirt with no bra.  I could see her dark stiffened nipples protruding through the thin material. She had dark brown hair and eyes in contrast with her creamy pale skin.

Bitch stood before she sat and she looked to Sam for approval and instruction. He looked at her and said “take off all of your clothes, but leave those hot heels on” she obeyed him and removed all of her clothing folded it and placed it on the coffee table. Sam, Mike and Ted started a conversation about how hot I was. Sam and Mike thanked Ted for grabbing me and they went on, but I became lost when Bitch turned to them “Bitch sit now. Alright guys you ready rock out with our cocks out?” Sam stated with a chuckle in his voice. They all nodded as Bitch sat next to me.  I could see her and my own figures on the screen in front of us. She spread her legs like mine had been forced to do so. Ted went to a closet and grabbed what looked identical to the bar that held my legs apart and placed it on Bitch; he tied her ankles, cuffed her wrists and secured the link behind her head.  Now she was spread and in the same position as me, but I was still clothed.

I could see Mark in the background behind us setting up a hand held camcorder. I knew when it was up and running because the TV in front of me showed the top of the table that the lens was pointing to. He then sat it down on the table and began to undress. The lens was then pointed directly at his crotch and I could see his large, but still soft penis on the screen in front of me. Bitch began giggling at the site of his cock, he didn’t like that. He came around in front of her asked “Sam may I put your Bitch into her place?” and Sam nodded. Mark held his hand back and slapped her across the face. I screamed in fear, but she smiled and then Mark shoved his limp dick into her mouth. It wasn’t limp long as she sucked on him it began to choke her and I could hear her gagging when he forced it down her throat.

Sam had grabbed the hand held camera and was now recording tears running down her face as he thrust into her. I could see everything that he was doing to her and how massive his cock had gotten.  With his cock deep in Bitch’s mouth he held it where his balls were on her chin and asked “Ted can I see how your Slut sucks?” and he said “Sure but don’t hurt her too bad ok?” He pulled his cock from Bitch’s mouth as she gasped for air he moved in front of me. I tightened my jaw so that there was no way he could force his cock into me, but he tried pressing the head against my lips.

I held him off and it amused him that I was fighting this because he had wanted to have the excuse to hurt me. He finally held his hand up and slapped me hard across and then got me with the back swing as well. Tears began streaming down my cheeks and the salt stung my red flesh. Then Ted pulled on my hair forcing my chin up and opens my mouth.  A split second later Marks massive cock was forcing its way between my teeth. “Don’t use your teeth SLUT!” he screamed in pain as he forced his cock to the back of my throat. Then quickly pulled himself out of me. He slapped me harder this time and I felt the welt swell immediately across both sides of my face. Mark said “get the cage for this slut” and Ted went to the closet and returned with a mid-evil looking contraption. My jaw still clenched He pulled my hair back again and Mark grabbed my chin and they placed this contraption into my mouth then let the release go and it snapped my mouth open. It stretched the skin of my lips and was very painful. Mark then said to me, “if you lick my cock really well I will take it off of you, but if you don’t I will make sure it stays on all night.”

I wanted out of that mouth cage so badly as Mark pushed his cock into my mouth my tongue went crazy licking him as quickly as I could. Then the tip of his cock made its decent down the back of my throat and I began gagging and chocking loudly. “Bitch, tell the fucking Slut what to do” and she turned and began whispering in my ear. “Calm down, breath through your nose  when he pulls out, then try to relax your throat as he pushes his cock in.”  She paused as he pulled from me and I took a deep breath and prepared for his re-entry. As he pushed gently, but with force his cock back into my mouth and start down my throat Bitch calmly said “relax hun, just relax, you are going to probably gag, but try and relax”.  I did as she said and the gagging became less, but the tears still streamed down my face.  Mark pulled from me and asked are you going to bite me?” I shook my head no, and he removed the very painful cage from my mouth and said “open” and I did no hesitation in the least.

Mark then became more violent and grabbed onto my hair and forces his cock completely into my mouth and throat.  I felt his balls on my chin.  My throat contracted as I gagged I knew he was enjoying himself, but I made sure my teeth were nowhere near his shaft. I looked up in terror un able to breathe he smiled at me then spit in my face. He quickly pulled his dick from my mouth and then forced it back in and said start sucking.  My tongue and mouth formed around his cock as his head pushed into my throat.  All the while Bitch was coaching me and reminding me to calm down. Telling me fucking would hurt less if I did.  I am not sure how long this went on, but my mouth and throat where sore when he stopped.

Everyone was ready now; all of them where naked the men sported stiff cocks and Bitch’s nipples were still very stiff.  Ted said “alright now that Mark knows how she sucks I guess we get a chance too.”  Ted said “open Slut” and I did and just as with Mark he forced his cock into my mouth and down my throat, but only for a short time because Sam was next in line “open Slut” and I did. Then I heard “open Bitch” and both of us were allowing one of these men to fuck our throats and the other man was videotaping us.

With Sam’s balls resting on my chin he unchained my wrists and pulled his cock from me as he let each of my arms go and then he took the bar off between my legs and untied my ankles.  And Ted let Bitch go as well. Ted said “get up.” and both of us rose. “Take off your clothes, Bitch help her.” All three sat down as Mark was still recording and I pulled off my shirt over my head Bitch pulled down on my bra exposing my breasts and gently sucking on each nipple. I watched as my nipples became hardened by her touch. Then I began unlatching the bra as as she unzipped my skirt and it quickly fell to the ground. As I stepped out from the skirt her mouth met my clit just for a moment. Ted clapped lightly and said “Slut put your foot on the coffee table and Bitch it is your turn to suck her off.”  In front of them I placed my foot on the table exposing myself to them. Bitch sat in front of me and began licking and sucking my entire cunt.  All of the men enjoyed this “Switch Sam” stated indicating it was my turn to lick. I had never in my life performed such and act and I didn’t know how to.  Bitch could see that in my eyes as she stood and I kneel in front of her. She smiled.  I tried to mimic what she had done to me. Gently sucking and licking. This didn’t last too long because the men wanted a piece of both of us.

All three men stood and Ted pointed “Bitch you sit and stay here, we are going to clean out Slut”.  Ted then turned to me “take off your shoes and follow now dirty Slut”. Clean out what did that mean I thought as I followed him into the bathroom? This was one of the strangest bathrooms I had ever seen there where tie downs attached to everything. The shower had loops with chains on them drilled into the wall. There was a shallow tub that had multiple ties on each side and at the foot and head of it as well. “Get in the tub on your hands and knees like a fucking dog” Mark barked at me. I did as he said then the men bound me in place spreading my knees apart and pulling them to my chest, my arms were outstretched towards one end of the tub.  Ted had the enema douche in his hand and I knew what was next. “First, let’s use this, and then we will work up from there.” I noticed large hoses attached to what looked like dildos with holes on all sides. They all were a bit different in girth and in length.

Without any notification Ted forcefully shoved the first nozzle into my virgin ass. Yes I had never had anal sex or anal anything. He lifted the bag into the air and  I felt the fluid rushing into my bowels. “Plug her” stated Sam as this contraption was pulled from the ceiling. It looked like it was attached and had a mechanism moving it like a motor or something. He placed the slightly larger plug into my ass as the enema was removed. The pressure of the fluid along with this new plug was over whelming.  I felt as if I was going to explode. They all left the room. Moments later the plug was ripped from my ass I screamed out in pain and the fluid poured out of my ass and into the drain that was directly below my head. The shower was turned on and it sprayed me and all of my shit down the drain. The men returned no doubt watching this on their TV. Ted grabbed one of the hoses with a larger attachment and forced it into my ass there was a large bulb at the end of this contraption and it wasn’t moving at all. Then he turned the water on. It was so hot almost scalding my insides. I screamed and squirmed as they all laughed. My ass was entirely full of this hot water. One of them, I am not sure who, took out the dildo and replaced it with the plug.  They left the room. I cried and screamed out in pain for some time. Without any notice the plug was ripped from my ass as fluid ran towards the drain. They did this multiple times expelling any shit from my bowel. The last time I didn’t cry or scream at all.

I was exhausted as Ted untied me from the tub and Sam called for Bitch. “Bitch get in here now, take off those shoes” Sam demanded as she ran into the bathroom. Ted whispered into my ear “you did great; you’re done for a bit”.  As he stood me up and began to dry me with a towel. “Let’s go watch” and he lead me to the couch, placed the knee bar again and chained my hands above my head. On the TV was Bitch her ass in the air and a very large dildo was forced into her. She moaned with pleasure as the water was forced into her filling her completely. The plug was put in place and the other two joined us as they let her sit as she was.

They began stroking their cocks as Ted used one hand to circle my clit with his fingers. Sam pressed some button and the plug was forcefully ripped from her ass as she screamed, but it sounded like with pleasure. Sam laugh “God she loves that, she turns me on so much when she cums”. Did that just make her cum? I thought to myself.  She was then sprayed off, untied and dried by Sam.

As Sam took care of Bitch Mark and Ted took me to the corner and the swing. They lifted me into the contraption and tied me so I was upright with my knees pulled up and to my sides. Ted began kissing my neck and whispered “you are so beautiful” and he even said “I love you” as if he had known me for years. Bitch was then tied the same way next to me and Mark held the camera recording both of us. Ted moistened his hard large cock with lube and lowered my cunt onto him. He gently slid his cock into me as he wrapped his arms around me and gently began fucking me.  I could feel every inch of his cock inside of me and I felt my body begin to react to him. He could tell that I was enjoying myself and he began kissing me on my lips and becoming more forceful with his thrusts. I kissed him back as an orgasm shot through my body. He thrust harder and steadier “tell me when you are going to cum” he said. I was getting close again and I moaned moments later “I am going to cum, oh God” and as such he thrust into me hard and fast and began filling me with his own cum.

I had blocked everything around me out as Bitch was screaming out in pleasure as well. Ted pulled from me and spun me so I could watch as she was being fucked. Sam was fucking her so hard and Mark was videoing every thrust. He passed the camera off to Ted and asked permission from Sam “can I join in?” Sam said “sure but I want her ass” He pulled from her spun her around and forced his cock into her ass as Mark forced his cock into her cunt. They both were fucking her one in each hole. We watched as Sam began cumming into her as she reached another orgasm.

Teds cock hardened again and he demanded “Mark fuck her now”.  “Gladly” he replied as he pulled his cock from Bitch’s ass and walked to the front of me. Ted gave the camera to Sam and took position behind me. Both of them forced their cocks into me Sam’s in my pussy and Ted’s in my ass. It hurt being fucked with force and I screamed out and Ted said “just relax” and continued fucking me hard. I did try to relax and as I did I began enjoying being so filled. Each of their cocks was thrusting in and out of me at the same pace. I felt Ted kissing my back and neck and Mark whispered “Slut you are so fucking beautiful” as he kissed my lips and neck. They fucked me hard and then softer for some time until both of them had planted their seed inside of me.

They let both of us down and Ted pulled me to the bed as the others went to the couch. He put his arms around me and lifted me onto the bed and laid me on my back. He curled up next to me and gently stroked every part of my body. His fingers ran across my belly and nipples up to my face and neck. He then whispered “I want to make love to you now, is that ok?” I gave him permission and he gently began kissing my body and then focused again on my clit sucking it as he had done before. He then turned his body placing his cock at my face. He didn’t say anything or force it into my mouth as they had before. He just let it hang there as he teased my clit with the tip of his tongue and fingered my slit. He brought me to climax and as the excitement filled my body I pulled his cock into my mouth and began sucking on him. This lasted just a short time and he gently but forcefully pushed his cock into my throat. “Just relax” he said as I began to gag. I calmed and took him completely into my mouth and down my throat.

He then pulled his cock from my mouth and laid on top of me pushing his cock into my wet cunt. He slowly and softly made love to me for what felt like hours. I enjoyed myself as his cum filled me again. He kissed me pulled from me and got up and went to the couch. “You guys about ready?” he asked. In unison they replied “yup” and came to the bed.

Sam laid next to me and demanded “get up here” pointing to his erect cock. I replied wrong “I am tired can I go home now?” He grabbed the back of my head slapped me and said “you are home now, you’re our fucking Slut” and he forced my head onto his cock as his hips pushed it deep into my throat. I began gagging again but felt a soft touch on my face as I looked up and saw Bitch brushing the hair from my face blurred through my tears.  She said “relax” and I did as I felt a cock forced into my sore ass.  Sam’s cock thrust deeper and harder into me as Mark did this same. Bitch then began licking Sam’s testicles as my head was pulled on and off of his cock. “Can I fuck your Bitch?” Ted asked “fuck away” replied Sam as he mounted her from behind. Sam began moaning sharply and as his cock was thrust down my throat I felt his warm cum dripping down into me.

After his moans had subsided he whimpered “I am done” Mark and Ted pulled their cocks from us and Mark lay on the bed as Sam’s cock wilted from my mouth. “Time to fuck me on top Slut” and Mark pulled me onto him and drove his cock into my cunt. He pulled my body close to his as I felt another cock enter my ass. I looked back and saw Ted. Again the both fucked my raw and sore holes hard. Ted again came into my ass and pulled quickly from me and “Clean it up Bitch” he demanded as her mouth met my ass she began licking into my hole and sucking all of the cum he had deposited into me while Sam still pushed his cock deep inside of me. “Fuck her with this” Mark said as he gave Bitch a large black anal plug that she forced into my ass. I moaned and felt full again as I began to cum.

Bitch left the large plug in my ass as Sam filled me with his cum and pushed me off of him. He pulled Bitch onto him and began kissing her and telling her how much he loved her I laid next to them and Ted began stroking my hair and face. All four of us laid there kissing and embracing each other. Mark returned and said “alright food is done” and Ted lifted me from the bed and sat me at the table filled with food. As he placed me on the chair I felt the plug push deeper into my ass.  We all ate in silence.

As soon as we were finished all three men kissed both of us and bid us a good night. “Can I leave now” I asked and Ted said “not yet no, but tomorrow morning you will if you want”.  They left and locked the door behind them. Bitch finally began speaking “What’s your name?” “Regina” I replied “Erica” she stated “it is good to meet you. Where did they find you?” I thought that maybe she had been found the same way as me and I said “Walmart, you?” She replied “the movie theater”.

I had loads of questions to ask Erica. “Are you like Sam’s slave?”

“Sexually yes, but not daily”

“Do you want to be?”

“Of course, I love Sam, he is my master. I couldn’t live without him.”

I was puzzled how could she love this man that makes her fuck other people.

“I love all of them, in a way” she said. “I love how each of them makes me feel beautiful like they can’t live without me. Would you like to go to bed? I am sure you are tired. We can talk more in the morning”

I replied “sure, but you have to promise to explain some things” and she said “ok” as she held my hand and led me to the bed. “Can I take this thing out of my ass?” She laid down “no leave it in I promise it will make thing easier later” and I lay next to her, but not touching her. She sighed and then curled up close next to me and said “Regina, I love you too and I am glad you are here.” I had no reply I just closed my eyes and tried to sleep.

I woke in the middle of the night to Erica gently kissing my face. “Are you still sore?” she asked and I nodded. She got up and went to the bathroom and came back with a tube that looked like some type of medication. She said “spread your legs this will help a ton”. I trusted her and I didn’t know why, but I spread my legs and she began to rub the gel around my pussy and into my cunt deep.  It was a cool feeling, but very refreshing. “Turn over” she said and I got on all fours and presented my ass to her. She pulled the plug out and applied the gel around my ass and also gently inside of it. She kissed my ass and began massaging my back.  I laid flat on my stomach as she gently touched my body.  She nudged me to roll over and I did she took my nipple in her mouth and began teasing it with her tongue. She was so soft and gentle and beautiful. I began stroking her hair and face.

The tips of her finger found my swollen clit and I pulled her mouth from my tit and kissed her deeply, her tongue began exploring my own. She pulled away and began kissing down my neck, my breasts, my navel, and finally she rested her lips on my clit. Gently she inserted her fingers into me and found my G-spot. She massaged it while sucking lightly on my clit. I felt as a rush of butterflies fluttered through my belly. Her touch was amazing as I began to climax and tighten around her fingers. She giggled and as soon as she felt my muscles loosen their grip on her she pulled her fingers from me and lay on her back next to me.

I felt obligated to please her as well I lay on my side next to her and began stroking my fingers up and down her body. I began tickling her milky white breasts. I began kissing her mouth then all over her body. I knew I wanted to make her cum, but was also hesitant because I wasn’t sure I knew how. She whispered me instructions “now just lightly kiss my clit as I did yours” I did as she said. “Pull gently on the lips of my pussy; use your tongue to open me up for you. Now put your first two fingers inside of me. Act like you are trying to tickle my belly button” I turned my hand and found a rough spot inside of her and began massaging it stiffly with the tips of my fingers. “Oh yeah that is the spot just keep doing that and at the same time suck on my clit”.  I felt her start to breath heavily and she began to moan “don’t stop, that is it, please don’t stop. Now go faster.” I felt her beginning to orgasm as her muscles tightened down around my fingers and her juices flowed out of her.  It felt amazing I pulled my fingers from her and began lapping up all of the juices that now covered her cunt and dripped down her ass. I licked directly over her ass hole and then pressed my tongue into it. She began moaning again and turned over on her hands and knees I licked from her clit to her ass over and over. Then I pushed my fingers into her cunt and my tongue into her ass.  She loved it and began screaming in pleasure cumming again for me.  She fell forward after she had finished. I pulled her close to me kissed her and she said good night falling asleep in my arms.

I laid there awake thinking about the days happenings and for the first time in my life I felt almost complete. Erica was in my arms this man seemed to truly love me and I began to wonder if this was the lifestyle for me. Maybe I won’t leave tomorrow and see how things go.

 

Midwest express

Well, I’ve finally found an internet connection.  Did you miss Me?  Though I am online, this cafe in which I’m sipping my morning coffee does not let me access all those lovely bdsm websites like fetlife and maxfisch.  Fortunately, my own blog made it past their controls.  Whew!

I arrived in Chicago yesterday morning with a suitcase full of rope and a heart full of hope–that watchword of this city’s favorite community organizer turned Senator turned President.  My hope, on this particular occasion, was that I would control, tantalize, and transform some lucky Chicagoans into my toilets and eager submissives.   So far, that project has been quite successful.  I’m traveling with the very sexy and sweet Strap-on Jo, who is quite popular in this town.

Years have intervened since I was last in Chicago, so my familiarity with the contours of this city’s landscape is minimal.  I get to play the tourist and the flaneur.  I’m wandering around the Loop, scoping out Arts & Crafts period architecture, postmodern architectural fabulations, and the residues of buildings’ former incarnations.  I was particularly struck by a former Masonic Temple on Wabash that is now a Bloomingdale’s.  The Loop shares many cultural markers with Midtown Manhattan, except there is something decidedly more robust, hearty, and—dare I say it?—“Midwestern” about Chicago.  Whatever fantasies I may have harbored about Chicago stockyards and hanging my victims from meathooks by their wrists while I tortured them bear no resemblance to the tastefully staid environs of my Gilded Age era hotel.  Chicago may be a bit more committed to convention in fashion and personal style, and perhaps even in sexuality, than East Coast and European metropolises.  BDSM may be a bit more under the radar here, but behind their grey suits and windblown exteriors exist some creative and kinky individuals in this city.

The people I have met in this town are very friendly, inquisitive, and polite–and so eager and giving as bottoms.  I have been happy to expose a couple of willing victims to My delightful form of domination.  I have thoroughly enjoyed their company.  Not only have I had wonderful scenes, but I’ve really made a connection with people and enjoyed our conversations.  I strongly value individual connections as the basis of meaningful and hot bdsm interactions.  Before this trip, I wondered if I would be able to forge such connections with people who lived thousands of miles away, and with whom I had only communicated via phone and email and online chat.  I am pleased to say that the ties (no pun intended) I’ve made with these Chicagoans have been as meaningful as those I’ve made with submissives in my hometown.

I’m looking forward to returning to this city again, in just a few short weeks.

domination, it hurts soo good!

no im fine....keep going

We are all about role playing. You know, dress up like bears and do it in the woods while eating honey. That’s fun! Getting railed by a 10 inch strap on…..or getting our asses whacked till it bleeds, not so much.

But hey, we are always willing to  take a look and see if we might be able to handle getting dominated by Alexis Texas or Tara Lynn Fox. I mean, how bad could it be? A super hot pornstar taking advantage of us and making us their bitches might be exactly what the proctolgist ordered.

Ummm, yeah probably not for us. But for those of you that enjoy being dominated, you will enjoy the hot action on this site. Oh and just in case you my be thinking we are gonna send you to some half ass, bullshit domination site…..the site is called Mean Bitches. And guess what, they are.

Check out mean bitches

more domination porn

go back home

 

Feminization

I have a rich history in the bdsm arts including feminization of varous sorts . I am honored that so many have trusted Me enough to place their emotional and physical well-being in my hands. I always strive to send someone away from a scene feeling better off than when they arrived. Keep in mind, however, that I am not a trained psychiatric professional and this essay merely reflects my personal experiences! This was essay was originally develped for presentation to a local kink group and is now edited for my blog.

My male cross-dressing slaves generally ask for stockings, shoes, garters, bras, sexy panties, wigs, sometimes dresses or skirts, rarely make-up. Typically, a cross-dresser will want to wear the same type of garment each time he has a session with me. Each person likes cross-dressing for different reasons. The main reason my slaves want to cross dress is because they have a fetish for women’s clothing. A fetish (in the strictest sense) permits sexual response. A fetish can be acquired through nurturing or training, or through unknown means. A true fetish is one where the presence of a non-sexual item (like a shoe) is a requirement for sexual arousal and climax. Sometimes, men will like to cross dress because they have learned to eroticize objects or types of objects, e.g., leather, latex, women’s clothing, which merely increases sexual/erotic response. This is not a true fetish, because the presence of the item is not a necessary requirement for arousal or climax. A key reason for my male slaves is that cross-dressing brings out their submissiveness; and they see me expressly to experience their submissiveness! Cross-dressing facilitates a change in attitude and behavior with radical departure from the “norm.” Often, they have a belief that males are dominant, females are submissive; therefore they need to be female to express submissiveness.

The Domme is in a different category altogether. She is on a pedestal, and allowed to dominate him — sort of a surrogate male dominant (which he would not otherwise want!) She may be the “ultra femme” role model — the extraordinary exception to the D/s rule, and therefore even more powerful and mysterious.

Sometimes cross-dressing is an expression of a real felt need to express another gender and may do so outside and well as inside sessions with me. Cross-dressing is a risk taking behavior, and a serious violation of taboo. Breaking a taboo is a rebellious act and very exciting; usually having to do with dark aspects of human nature: sexuality, violence, death. It is a “safer” way to experience forbidden aspects of their own personality. It also may bring a sense of balance to their life — an integration of their personality which they don’t have much opportunity to experience in our highly judgmental and male-centric culture. A typically dominant, highly driven executive or manager may crave the relief of changing roles completely—including gender roles. In some cases, cross-dressing in session may be a bridge to getting in touch with bisexuality or homosexuality. As a “woman” the cross-dresser can perform acts that are otherwise unacceptable: suck cock (dildo or real), be fucked, either by the stand-in male (the Domina wearing a strap-on) or by a bio male and it is acceptable, non-threatening to his “real” heterosexual identity. Or it may be a way to begin a journey into acknowledging attraction to aspects of homo-erotica or homosexuality.

Putting a man in stockings, heels, corset, or bra and panties, wig, etc. is putting him in bondage physically and mentally. The thrill and fear of restriction and vulnerability is a result of abdication of responsibility, actually freeing him to be more authentically “himself.”  Often, the male will be dressed in frilly panties, or silly costumes that no Domme would EVER wear. I never allow a cross-dresser to wear power clothes like black leather corsets. The way the male wears women’s clothing is designed to make him less powerful.

The Domina may also be in bondage clothing, but the clothing is designed to make her seem more imposing, powerful and dangerous! Stilletto heels are a weapon, leather corsets are like a bullet proof vest, make-up is a mask, and sexy clothing is a weapon to manipulate lust.

Love and hate are two sides of the same spiritual coin. The cross-dresser may be worshipping the Goddess, or be a misogynist. He may be attempting to reconcile conflicting emotions and cognitive dissonance. Admiration, love, hate, fear, and guilt all motivate the cross-dresser. His is a spiritual journey that he likely is not even aware of. There are four stages to his experience: 1) recognition of need/desire, 2) intensifying of need/symbolic distancing from the object of worship, 3) liminality/cresendo 4) resolution/restoration. (See essay on BDSM, Religion, and Spirituality).

The cross-dresser is compelled to cross dress. Whether it is for reasons of expressing a truer gender or whether it is merely a temporary turn-on, he feels a real need. Even if he promises himself that he will stop and he purges all his fetish clothing, he will always be a cross-dresser somewhere in his heart. The gap widens (not closes) between the cross-dresser and his Mistress as his feminine alter ego is put together in a session. It is painfully and pathetically obvious that his is an attempt to worship (or insult) by emulation. The more he tries to be like his Mistress, the more humiliated he becomes. And the more able he is to express his sincere devotion or his loathing. Each piece of clothing intensifies his need. Degradation and objectification aid in the distancing process. The cross-dresser’s alter ego can be nasty and depraved without responsibility or consequences in real life: rape scenes; slut and dildo training; “forced” feminization. Little is too depraved or disgusting for the cross-dresser because “she” deserves the “abuse.” In alter ego “she” will allow herself to be used and abused with gratitude and enthusiasm that would never be tolerated as a male. Each humiliation is a testament to “her” devotion and penance.

The build up crescendos emotionally and physically. As “she” returns to “he” at the end of the scene, the feelings are of having been purged, cleansed, relieved of stress, authenticated, and validated. It’s a spiritual journey, whether the cross-dresser knows it consciously or not. He has just participated in a ritual of spiritual transformation using both physical and emotional means. The Domina is the facilitator – the surrogate Goddess. He is used and abused in the manner of being a woman in order to purge feelings of guilt, shame, self- or other-hatred. Conversely, he has paid the ultimate honor to the Goddess by submitting to her in form and action. At the end of the session, the cross-dresser reclaims his male power and feels “on top of the world.” He is not only restored, but he has been transformed!

As you can see, cross-dressing can definitely play a part in bdsm and kinky sex. Power Exchange is at the root of the scene. Dominance/submission, Bondage, discipline, and sado-masochism may all figure in. Being “forced” to cross-dress is standard bdsm role-play: abdicating responsibility for desired anti-social, or taboo behavior, and submitting to the will of another. Permission is granted to do something or be something in a “safe” environment, usually unthinkable in the “real” world. Part of establishing Dominance and submission is the use of humiliation (again, standard bdsm fare). Humiliation “humbles” — it is NOT shame. Shame is un-penitent guilt. To be humbled is to be absolved of guilt and shame. Doing anything that increases the intensity of the body’s response helps to increase the chances of altering the emotional and mental response – even achieving altered states. Conversely, by utilizing humiliation, and violation of taboo, the mind excites the body, increasing its response as well. The feelings are eroticized and the body rushes hormones to the brain. So the “bad” experience becomes a good one. Doing something embarrassing (esp. in front of someone) is taking a HUGE spiritual leap of faith. The humiliation is like having a good beating, or near death experience. The endorphin rush is a response to the stress of embarrassment and humiliation. Relieving one kind of stress also relieves others, e.g., the hard day at the office. It’s an attitude adjustment not unlike that accomplished by a good flogging. Cross-dressing can be a part of performance art: It’s entertainment for self and others. It’s theatrics. It’s fun. It’s being able to laugh at oneself and ridicule while paying homage at the same time. Passing is an important aspect and turn-on for some cross-dressers. Sometimes the cross-dresser will love going out and doing drag shows, or just doing lunch. Gender-fuck is more important for others due to the perceived political impact or sometimes just for mere shock value. Gender fuck is really a turn-on in non-consensual venues, and the ethics are questionable depending on the circumstances. It can be tempting to involve the public non-consensually in what can be considered a bdsm activity. Role play is theatrics, but also serious business. In strap-on play the woman becomes the penetrator, and male becomes the penetrated. The one “on-top” becomes the dominant, powerful one. The one “on the bottom” becomes the submissive, powerless one. I also use male clothing and attitude to complete the role exchange. More often, though I use female camp to accentuate the difference. The cross-dresser can adopt different personas: slut, sissy maid, and girlfriend are all very popular. It’s cathartic being shameless and vulgar under the direction of the Domina who uses the cross-dresser as Her whore. Our cultural outlook is that the way women are treated is something that they desire either opening or secretly. Men often find it very exciting and eroticize the experiences. They like to play the part to reassure themselves that their view of reality or behavior is justified. And since women “ask for it” by wearing slutty clothing, etc., they, as males, are not responsible for any of it. True, some women DO love being slutty and whorish and if it is her choice, e.g., in a bdsm context (and there may be others), then that is cool. It is CONSENSUAL in a way that real rape, sexual harassment, and abuse are not. Or the cross-dresser can be ditzy and silly and it is acceptable—even desired in order to make sure the cross-dresser cannot really approach a good likeness of the Mistress. Making mistakes is a way to garner “punishment” and make the distance between Mistress and maid more obvious. Then again, maybe the fetish is service and wanting to be more feminine in order to express that nurturing caretaking., Especially desired is to be like the Mistress (getting in touch with the Goddess). Then there is full transformation: going out in public and passing. The cross-dresser may be approaching transgender identity. This cross-dresser may have true feelings of wanting to be female or appreciating the feminine on a very deep level. Transsexual and transgender folk fall into a different category than cross-dressers. Theirs is a spiritual and physical journey usually not related to self-hatred or “other” hatred. Check out Additional Resources for Trans & CDs in the navigation bar to the left. The Domina’s Response Many women (and men) do not understand cross-dressing and do not appreciate the courage it takes to cross-dress. Some are quite disgusted by the whole thing. I find that I am turned-on by the cross-dresser’s inner and outer journey. I feel privileged to facilitate that journey and trusted enough for them to bare their souls to me. I am also just perverted enough to appreciate cross-dressing for all the same reasons that my slaves do whether it’s sincere gender expression or down-and-dirty perverted play. Either way, I get to rise above everyday womanhood and become something extraordinary. I am Male, Female, Deity, Worshipper, and Witness. I get to express my dark side, and be reborn to the light as well! (Edited March 2009)